It all ends tonight

“Warm yourself with my heat, drench yourself in my pain, and envelope me with your sins”

I never thought I would feel this way. Like giving up on life. It hurts so bad. The pain feels as though I can’t breathe any longer. My ribs straining with each inhale, the cries haven’t stopped in a lifetime. I never asked to be born, so why can’t I die?

This life is my prison, no matter how many times I’ve escaped. No bars on the doors, but the walls pulsate with my soul. When the darkest of the night takes me, that is the only time I can feel peace. Closing my dark lashes, the orbs finally resting. Swollen and red, my oceanic blue hues have tinted red.

“God doesn’t care about you anymore.”

The tape plays over and over in my head. I’ve heard that recording for my entire life. Since the age of innocence, I have asked myself why. If he loves the world, why did he seclude me? I’ve done nothing wrong, never doubted his existence, nor have I hurt anyone. Why must god continue his assault on my soul?

“God doesn’t care about you anymore.”

Again, and again, it plays till the record breaks inside of me. I am nothing, and nothing is me. I have come to a place where I can no longer care. My head and heart wage the war inside of me, but the outcome will be devastating. I don’t want to be here anymore, but I’m too scared to go. If I can ask one last favor of you, take me tonight. 

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