How can you tell that you’re truly broke? Is there a rage inside of our souls that drives us to the brink of insanity? Or, could it be that the river of tears the flow from your eyes abruptly stop, and the laughter beings. Not a childlike laugh of happiness, but that screech from the clown at the carnival type. One where the head falls back, and the lips involuntarily move. That’s when you can tell that you’re off your rocker bat shit crazy. You’ve lost it.
In the middle of the living room, she lost it. Every emotion that ever filled her body came to a head right there on the polished hardwood flooring. Earth-shattering screams filled the space. Her sounds echoed from one wall to another as though they were the cries of a banshee. Hair wild, she ripped at the golden strands, her hands beating her face in forms of self-abuse. Every inch of her body shaking, her nails were the next to do damage. Strikes against her flesh, the claw marks of the deranged, she abused herself until her skin broke, the evidence of her pain flowing from a river of red.
“I HATE YOU,” she screamed, her vocal cords aching the moment her mouth opened. Outside of her home, strangers stopped, looking up at the house, and birds flew off in fear of the unknown. She fell back in place, her head banging against the floor, thuds of impact ricocheted through the room. One after another, she crashed her skull to the ground, screaming in an inaudible mumble of pain. She was losing it and losing it fast.
Why wouldn’t the pain stop? She had done everything right. She gave up everything for this life they told her she needed, but what no one said was that she would hate the sunrise and dread when the stars came to life. All she wanted was peace, and everything she got was suffering. No one cared about the little girl lost unless it benefited them.
Laying in a puddle of her misery, she watched the ceiling as the silent room darkened. One last wish was all she would make.
“Starlight, star bright, take away from this pain tonight.”