2 am

If you’ve ever been in a hospital at 2 am, there is a silence about the place that can take you to another place and time. Sitting alone in that cold room, a ring twirling around her fingers, she took the pen and paper and began to say goodbye.

“This is one of the hardest days of my life. Today, I let go of all the memories related to you. I say goodbye to my best friend, my soul mate, and my heart. I give up my childish dreams of being a better person than where I came from. Let’s face it. I have Kennedy blood inside of me, and there is nothing that can drain that from me. Well, I did try to rid myself of all their blood, but the body regenerates.

I love you, and I always will, but today, I start a new part of my life. As everyone knows who has committed suicide, we have to say we are sorry to those we left behind. I know that I don’t have to say sorry to you because let’s face it, you don’t want it. You want to scrub yourself of every memory of me. That’s how I know it’s done, but I remember it all. I remember that first kiss. We did that to get it out of our system. Wow, we opened a can of worms there. I remember how much we both cried over each other. There were so many times we told each other we were terrible for each other. An Island boy and Camelot’s little Princess. What a pair, but god, there was love. Please tell me I didn’t imagine that. Tell me there was love because I know that I felt love every second I was in your heart. Tell me that wasn’t a lie. You loved me. You had to have loved me….”

Sitting the pen down to wipe her eyes, the nurse came in for a moment because the monitors were erratic, and they needed to make sure she wasn’t going into cardiac arrest.

“I told you about my father. How he soiled me forever with shame. I told you about my hopes, my dreams, and how I wanted to be better than my parents when it came to love. No, I needed to be. I knew the moment I looked into your eyes that there was a heaven. By the way, I have it on good authority that there is. Death does weird things to the body. It gives us insight into another time and place. One where we can make changes, or we can follow the light.

On October 12, 2019, we married on a beach in Kauai, Hawaii. Just us and your Aunt and Uncle. We gave each other life. I know, I grew that life inside of me. I know it was real. I feel it every day of my life. I married my whole world that day. The man who would, for no other words, slay my dragons. Thing is, I had to do that for myself. I put too much on you, and I never allowed you to be the man. I was too scared of handing off control that I fought so many years to gain. I am sorry for that.

Less than a month later, I ran. I felt that you would end up hating me, so I ran before I could see the downfall of you. You are forever my Island boy, and I never want to view you in another light. I ran because I was paying the price for all the pain you’ve ever endured. I didn’t deserve it, and neither did you. Sadly our family died as I walked out the door. Tragic because we were the greatest love story ever told.”

She stopped, once again looking down at her fingers. That ring she fought so hard to keep on her finger kept slipping. It was working its way off her finger. She knew it was coming.

“As everyone knows now, I took my life. In a cold bathroom, I laid on the floor and slit my wrists. It was beautiful because, for the first time, I didn’t feel anymore. I didn’t hurt anymore. There was the most beautiful place on earth awaiting me. Sadly, I was found, and here I am. Alone at 2 am in the hospital still receiving transfusions.

So today, I let you go. I have to. None of this was your fault. I take full credit for every razor stroke to my wrists. I am my own boss, and I did this to myself.

Enclosed is the ring you slipped on my finger at sunset. It was never mine. It was for me to realize that no matter how much you love another, you can’t make them love you back. I have never stopped crying over you, and I doubt I ever will, but I will be okay now.

Gone from my life is the beach, the surfing, the dreams of being someone I’m not. I’m Mary Elizabeth Kennedy. I’m the sister of the next President of the United States, and I’m becoming so proud of myself. Thank you for every second of the time you allowed me in your life. I will never forget the first kiss and the last. I will always remember two blue lines on a test. I’ll always remember saying I do, but I will forget the pain.

I am gone from California now and living with my brother. I know you don’t care. Just know this, at one point in your life, there was a girl who wanted nothing from you than love.

Always and forever, Gypsy.”

The content sealed in an envelope and mailed to Kauai, Hawaii.

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